Four Seasons

We changed like the four seasons.

We started out like summer. There was so much we wanted to do but we had too little time on hand. Then came autumn, we explored and started picking apart pieces of each other. Little did we know, we began to wither as we opened up our deepest darkest secrets. Soon enough, we turned into winter. Our hearts were frozen and our souls were ice cold. We loved giving each other the cold shoulder. Right now, it feels like spring is the only season. April showers my days and floods my pillow ever since we fell apart.

Summer, when can we meet again?

– her

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The voicemail

Hey there, it’s me. You probably do not want to hear from me but I promise that this is the last time. Hear me out, okay? You and me, one last time down the memory lane.

I’m deeply sorry how everything turned out in the end. How we can’t even keep a conversation past ‘How are you?’ and ‘I’m good.’ How we can’t even look each other in the eye. How everything seems to be hidden by some motive. How everything feels like heartbreak. But I never regret any of my time spent with you and I hope you do not regret our relationship or any of the midnight calls when we both can’t sleep.

I hope you know that even though we can’t properly look at each other anymore, I am still here for you. If you call, I will be on the other end of the phone. Always.

I know, this is long overdue but I just want to let you know that I still care about you. I can no longer do much (or do anything) but know that you have my blessings. Always.

Take care O.

– her

Balancing love

My biggest soft spot would have to be my love.

I can love with everything I have and I can love with my soul.

Sometimes it is too much for people and sometimes it is not quite enough.

For the past 18 years, finding the balance in love would be one of the hardest things I have had to deal with. But I have learnt how to love the person who means the world to me in this day to day life. I have learnt to love her flaws, her sins and her demons. I have learnt to love her freckles, her tummy and her curves. I have learnt to love the person she is and I have learnt that loving her is what keeps her going. Loving her makes her not tired of loving everyone else with everything she has.

When she loves herself, she can do anything.

– her

Outgrowth

I read a book that says that love only gets old if you let it.

I can’t remember when we stopped writing love letters and started crying under the sheets.

I can’t remember when we stopped watering our roots. I can’t remember when we started competing for the light. Whenever someone asks about you, I can only say we outgrew each other.

I believe that’s the truth.

Maybe we just got tired.

– her

Tears

Whenever I am lost at sea,

I tilt my head back, stare at the stars and let go of the salt in my tears.

Like an offering of my utmost gratitude

for the way the waves never seems to stop rocking me back to sleep.

– her

Be The One

You couldn’t be the one – the one to love her.

She dazzled you, but your eyes could never get used to the light. So you remained clothed in shadows, and you ignored the hand that reached for you.

You ignored your own heart.

And that is why you couldn’t be the one.

She wasn’t just the moon; she was the whole sky, but you couldn’t see beyond the stratosphere.

Your souls loved each other as much as any two souls could possibly love –

bu you couldn’t be the one.

– her (via Lang Leav)

17 things I learnt at 17

Goodbye 17.

  1. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. It is not a stroke of luck.
  2. Be patient and learn to forgive yourself. Some people will never forgive you, but as long as you forgive yourself, it is enough. You are enough.
  3. It begins and ends in your mind. What you give power to has power over you.
  4. Confidence and insecurities can change your life, make your choice.
  5. Nothing in nature blooms all year round so do not expect yourself to do so.
  6. It is never too late to be whoever you want to be. Live a life that you will be proud of. If you don’t, find the strength to start over.
  7. It is okay to not know what you want yet, do not feel the need to rush to the next big thing. What you are experiencing at the moment is what you need in the future.
  8. Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation.
  9. The timing in which people enter your life is very important.
  10. Love when you are ready, not when you are lonely. The right attention from the wrong individual during a lonely time can fool you into thinking they might be the one.
  11. You should not make any one person your world. The trick is to take what each can give you and build a world from it.
  12. Yes, it still bothers me but I will get over it slowly but surely.
  13. Make peace with the past. Do not let it haunt you as it can’t be changed. It is important to always visit memory lane but never live there. Your life is what is here now.
  14. If you need help, seek it before it is too late. Sometimes, we do need a helping hand.
  15. No one should ever live in an environment of fear, violence and suffering.
  16. Sharing our stories is an important part of healing (that is often overshadowed by our fear, shame and pain).
  17. Love yourself, for you only have yourself at the end of the day. Be proud of who you are and whatever you stand for.

I like living. It is true that sometimes I have been wildly, despairingly, miserably racked with sorrow. But through it all, I certainly still know that being alive is a grand thing.

Hello 18.

– her